Summer

As of 11:00 this morning I have finished another round of classes. There were definitely times this year when I didn’t think I was going to make it. I regularly entertained the idea of hopping on a plane, any plane, and giving it all up. But, I made it. And I’m excited to keep going (which is a good thing, because I start a new round of classes on Monday).

Today has been full of goodbyes. I’d like to think that by now I’ve gotten pretty good at goodbyes. But for some reason these goodbyes have been sad. Not hard, just melancholy. Maybe because I’m loving more, loving harder, than other times in my life. Or maybe because I’m the one being left behind. Usually I’m the one who does the leaving; this time all my people are leaving and I’m staying on campus.

But that’s okay. I’m looking forward to a quiet summer on campus. And I’ll be here waiting when my people get back. I’ve already entered into summer mode and I feel like I’m breathing deeper and smiling wider. I love the bare feet, the wide-open windows, and the long sunsets that accompany summer.

While I was running errands with my two nanny girls this afternoon, the six-year old spoke up and said she wanted to give me directions to the bookstore. I had never been to this particular bookstore, and I could have easily pulled it up on my phone, but I decided to let her direct me. She said, “I’ll tell you if you should turn or go more forward or less forward.”

And she did. She kept saying, “More forward, more forward, more forward.” And as we approached the bookstore she said, “Okay, start going less forward.”

As much as I love spontaneity, I’m a total planner. I like to schedule and make lists and figure out the details and weigh all the possibilities before anything even happens. But I’m learning that life doesn’t really happen if you’re always planning. There is beauty in just letting things happen, not planning, just seeing where we end up. Moving more forward and less forward. It’s okay to not have everything figured out.

Earlier today I was mainly caught up in the cuteness of my little nanny-girl, but now I realize it was a trust exercise. I know I struggle with trusting people, so it’s definitely an area I could use exercise.

You don’t have to be able to see in order to trust. You just need to be able to listen.

That’s sort of the whole point of trusting, you can’t see but you’re believing that someone will follow through with what he (or she) said he would do. I trusted my nanny girl to get us to the bookstore, and she did. I’m learning to trust friends and family, and even beyond that, learning to trust God more and more. He is faithful and will do what He said He would do. All I have to do is go more forward when He tells me to and put the brakes on when it’s time to go less forward.

This is going to be a good summer, I can already tell. I have a lot of fun things planned, but I also have a lot of growing and trusting and just seeing where things go.