Traveling on African Roads in America

College is probably one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. It’s scarier than riding on the back of my dad’s motorcycle through Kicukiro….yes, it’s that scary.

If I didn’t have Jesus I’d be an absolute basket case right now. He is the only reason why both my feet hit the ground in the morning, the reason why I walk through each day with a somehow-smile on my face, and the reason why I make it into my bed each night.

Culture shock is creeping up on me and attempting to drown me but the Spirit keeps whispering, Fix your eyes on Jesus. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Stress, fear, longings, and anxiety creep in but the Spirit keeps whispering, Fix your eyes on Jesus.

I’ve been struggling with worship ever since leaving Rwanda. My heart isn’t in it. Everyone around me has their arms lifted and they are singing loudly and I’m reading the words but my heart can’t sing. I don’t get this American style of worship anymore.

It feels like there is an expectation or demand for this fancy spiritual life. Who can sing louder, who can close their eyes tighter, who can pray longer, etc. It feels like our relationship with God is measured by others.

After reflecting on this for a while, I think it’s important to not stray too far from the gospel. We (I) know the gospel forward and backward, but then we (I) tend to move on from it and focus on other aspects of Him, which is good, but it’s crowding out the gospel. The God of all creation loves me so much that He sent His only Son to rescue me so that I could live forever with Him. Period.

Ah, it’s like a breath of fresh air. Yes, the gospel. Sweet, simple, beautiful.

I know that we’re all at different places in our walk with the Lord and so I’m not about to judge anyone for the way he or she is worshiping or the place where they currently are with God. I think though that for me, He is wanting me to just live in the truth of the gospel.

Another thing that I’ve been struggling with is time. The word makes me cringe. I show up to class “on time” and the room is already full and I have to excuse myself as I climb over people and make my way to the back of the room. This morning church started six minutes early. I’m American, for goodness sake, I was that one in Rwanda that was showing up to things 30 minutes late, on purpose, so that I could be on time and I was still early. And I guess it rubbed off on me because now I can’t seem to be on time for anything.

There are still beautiful gifts from God all around me. Subtle reminders of His love for me and His presence in my life. Today the weather is beautiful. I haven’t experienced whether this wonderful since leaving Rwanda. And I think that God gave me this weather because He loves me and He knows I need it.

I’m going to make it. I’m going to run through this race (of college) with my eyes fixed on Jesus. The road will be rough. It will be dark. (Can we all imagine an unlit, African dirt road and smile because (1) I love those roads so much and (2) that is exactly the kinds of road He has me traveling on right now. Ah, the irony. He brought me to the land of smooth, paved roads so that we could walk on dirt ones.) I can’t promise positive, funny, and encouraging blog posts every day. All I can do is cling to His promises and keep my eyes fixed on Him. 

Another New Home

I’ve spent the last week in Minnesota at the University of Northwestern and it has been awesome – I mean that in the holiest way possible. I had never seen Northwestern prior to moving in on Wednesday so I really didn’t know what I was getting into. I knew that God was calling me to this school for reasons that He has not yet revealed to me, so here I am, richly and abundantly blessed.

From the moment I sent in my deposit to Northwestern back in March I have had a peace that surpasses all my understanding and confidence to start a new life here, in a new country, a new state, a new culture. This is what God is asking of me for the next three to four years, so here I am.

And now I want to shout from the mountaintops. Our God is so good! Now that I’m here on campus I’ve been awestruck by how His ways are so much better than my ways. I’m thankful that He led me to this school, that He had this school in mind for me a long time ago.

The direction that my life has gone thus far is not at all what I expected. When you give God control of your life, exciting things happen! Excitement doesn’t necessarily mean that you get to move all over the world and experience a bunch of different cultures; it just means that you live a life of whimsy, a life out of control. You never really know what to expect, so everything is a beautiful surprise.

So, a couple things about my new home:

1-     It’s cold. I know, I know, you guys all tried to tell me. God certainly has a sense of humor sending this African girl to the north.

2-      I have way more friends than I ever thought possible for an introvert. But I like them all…especially my fellow TCKs. Although exhausting, meeting new people has its elements of fun.

3-      I have two really cool roommates. That’s another way that God has really blessed my college experience thus far.

4-      Oh, and I broke my first law of Minnesota today. One of my roommates and a Honduran friend rode our bikes to a local coffee shop and to Wal-mart. Apparently, riding your bike on the main road is illegal, which I didn’t know, as I made a left-hand turn and went out into traffic, while my two friends went straight on the quiet neighborhood road. Thankfully, nothing really happened, so this story just got pretty anti-climactic. I navigated my way back to my friends and it really wasn’t a big deal. But just so you know, if you ever come to Minnesota, be careful where you ride your bike.

Classes start tomorrow and I’m really ready to get started, which I guess is a good thing considering the fact that I don’t have a choice. I know that I’m in an exposed place, susceptible to attack, because I’m exactly where God wants me and mountaintop experiences can’t last forever. Praise God with me for His faithfulness and great plan for my life and pray with me for His protection and continued guidance.

Also, a few of you have asked for my address so here it is:

Grace Gaskill, MC# 1740

University of Northwestern

3003 Snelling Avenue N.

St. Paul, Minnesota 55113

On the Road Again

One of my roommates just sent me a text that said, “Warning: It is cold today.” When I asked her what that meant she said, “A high of 64 and rainy.”

Yes ma’am, that is cold. Thanks for giving me time to get prepared!

It’s going to be a long winter. Starting August 18^th and ending…whenever I move down south again.

Currently, we’re stuck in a long line of traffic on a two-lane road in the wide-open fields of Indiana. 

Inching along at 4mph. Did we take a wrong turn somewhere? Well, apparently, “they” closed down the whole of I-65 and detoured us through the corn.

In all our traveling, we’ve passed by many signs announcing the location of various universities and colleges. With each state we’ve driven through, with each sign I’ve read, and with every warning of the cold winter that is about to be upon me, there is not a doubt in my mind that I’ve chosen the right school. God has led me to the University of Northwestern and I can’t wait to get there.

I used to be so afraid of making decisions. Little decisions like what to eat and what to wear, and big decisions like where to go to college. But, I’ve learned that the only decision I need to make is whether or not I’m going follow Jesus. Yes or no. Once you make that decision, all the other decisions fall in to place.

Going to college is a big deal. It has elements of being really scary. But I chose to follow Jesus and so everything is going to be okay.

There are exciting things on the horizon that God has placed before me and is allowing me to experience. I can feel the prayers and support of so many of my friends and family members. I’m grateful for all the encouraging words and the amount of people who have welcomed me into their homes and lives.  I’ve had a good two weeks in America, getting ready for college, and now it’s time…well, we still have some more hours of driving on the road before it’s time. But we’re close! 

Road Trip

Origination: St. Petersburg, Florida

Destination: St. Paul, Minnesota

The road trip started around 4:30(EST) this morning, embarking from one set of grandparent’s house and ending our day in High Point, North Carolina with another set of grandparents. 4 states and 12 hours of driving.

Observation: Driving is much less eventful in America than it is in Rwanda, what with the straight and smooth roads and carefully obeyed traffic laws.

Technically this trip started out 6 days ago in Kigali, Rwanda. It was just an air trip at that point in time, not a road trip. 3 countries, 3 airplanes, and 27 hours of travel time.

I didn’t think that the move from Kigali to St. Paul would be that big of a deal but now that I’m in the middle of it, it does kind of seem like a long way.

The last 5 days have mainly been filled with observation and trying to remember how this culture works. Fast walking, loud talking, bright lights, air conditioning, certain phrases said in conversations that don’t mean what I think it means…things like that. It definitely doesn’t classify as culture shock, more like culture adjustment.  

I have a lot of adjustments ahead of me as I not only move from one country to another country, but also from a southern state in America to a state so far north it may as well be in the Arctic Circle. And then there’s the adjustment of living on a college campus and going back to school. But it’s all okay because this is what God has asked me to do in this season of my life and no adjustment or transition is bigger than He is.

There’s this passage that I keep going back to in my transition and desire for home: Hebrews 11:13b-16

 …having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, this is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared for them a city.

In all of my moving around, there is no place here on earth that will satisfy my need for a home. I’m desiring something much bigger. And so I’ll hold on to all these things loosely, while still embracing them fully, and making the most of what God has laid before me. 

A Good Note to End On

After graduating high school I spent 13 months in America floundering like a fish out of water, knowing deep in my heart that God had something bigger in store for me. Then, I moved back to Rwanda and have spent the last 13 months thriving like a fish in water.

It’s been 26 months since I graduated high school? Yikes.

And now my 26 gap-months are coming to an end and it’s time to go back to America. But this time I’m ready. I’m so ready. God has prepared my heart and given me peace and confidence. What more do I need?

I’m down to my last full day in Rwanda, but before I go let’s reminisce a bit…

From July 1^st, 2014 to August 4^th, 2015 I experienced rest (first and foremost), new relationships, an internship with a USAID organization, various trips around Rwanda, traveling to South Africa, to Uganda, to the UAE, and to Kenya, working with Young Life, tutoring and instrument lessons, playing my clarinet, directing a music camp, volunteering with various children’s ministries, and lots and lots of babysitting.

It has been a remarkable year. I’m really overcome with love and thankfulness.

My heart is mixed. It’s ready to go and yet longing to remain.

I will miss driving my scooter around town, zipping through traffic. However, I will not miss being run off the road by buses and trucks, being bullied by motos, and that ever-present helmet hair.

I probably won’t miss the electricity and water inconsistencies.

I’ll miss Rwandan buffets and Vitamilk biscuits and Digestives, and Stoney. (Although, I do have enough Stoney packed in my suitcase to get me through my first semester.)

A delicious ginger soft drink

I’ll miss funny and confusing conversations in broken Kinyarwanda/English/French.

I probably won’t miss being stared at all the time.

I’ll miss the eagerness to lend a helping hand every time I get a flat tire or run out of gas. (One or the other happens at least once a month and there are always people around ready to help push my scooter to the nearest station.)

I’ll miss my expat friends/family and the relationships I have here.

I’ll cherish all of these memories.

I marvel at how God has used all these people and places and opportunities of the last 13 months to continue to shape me and grow me and bring me closer to Him and guide me on the path He has called me to.