Grasping {Another Possibility}

As much as I desperately want to throw up my hands in surrender, there is a small, match-size flicker somewhere deep inside of me. Taking punches on all sides and somehow I look straight ahead, away from the attacks, gritting my teeth, slowly pulling myself onto my knees, and from there I muster the strength to rise to my feet. And there I stand. Unarmed, weak, weary, doubtful. But I stand. And that in itself alludes to hope.

When my heart is weary, when my soul is weak

When it seems I can’t traverse the trail before me

I survey the glory of your agony

And I find the will to fight for what’s before me

'Cause you ran the race enduring for your glory

"Fix My Eyes" - Kings Kaleidoscope

I have a reason to sit down, to give up, to stop fighting.

However, I also have a reason to stand, to continue the fight.

Plain and simple, Jesus already won this battle. When He died on the cross He demolished my fears and my struggles and took care of everything past, present, and future.

He has already won this seemingly uphill and relentless battle.

So who am I to give up?

I’m not too sure what it looks like to continue fighting a battle that has already been won. But I know that I cannot sit down and allow the enemy to win.

I still have an immense amount of healing that needs to take place. My heart is still hardened and angry and confused. But there is a small flame of hope and an ambitious spirit begging to be uncovered. And there is Jesus and when He is present, fear has no power, no hold.

If things remain in darkness Satan has power over them, but when things are brought to the light Satan loses his grip and God is able to redeem.

And so, as I am reaching out into thin air, attempting to understand, grasping onto something – anything – I am bombarded with a thought: what if it doesn’t end in a white flag of surrender? What if, instead, there is an alternate ending? What if there is, dare I say, victory?

Well, because I like to try new things and I’m always up for an adventure, and I didn’t much like the idea of my previous ending, I’m going out on this limb after God and I’m exploring this possibility of victory. We’ll see where it leads…