To Love Well. To End Well.

Rwanda is hazy, dry and dusty and lacking it’s obvious beauty. The beauty is still there but it’s just not so visible right now, during this dry season. Isn’t that how our own lives are? We go through dry seasons and we look ugly and we lack some of the surface-level, visible beauty. But we’re still the same people. We’re still beautiful; we’re just going through a dry season. Give it another two months or so and Rwanda will be luscious again.

Rwanda also feels strangely quiet to me but maybe that’s because I’ve spent the last three weeks yelling my lungs out at a summer camp. But still, for Rwanda, I’m wondering, Where is everyone? Why is it so quiet? I too am quiet and reflective. Since leaving camp on Saturday afternoon, I’ve probably said about a tenth of the amount of words I used during the last three weeks. My brain is overstimulated.

As most of you know, Adam, Miles, and I went to Kenya to work at/attend Camp BlueSky. There are six sessions of camp, all one week long and we were planning to be there for the third and fourth sessions. But after just one week of camp we were hooked. So hooked that Adam and I changed our flight. Miles stayed for two weeks and then flew back to Rwanda. I stayed for one more week and got back to Rwanda on Saturday night and Adam is still at camp, but he’ll be returning this Saturday.

There is something really special about BlueSky. On July 3^rd, as we were driving down the long approach road to camp we encountered giraffes, zebra, and wildebeests. Adam got out of the car and tried to chase down a giraffe, until he got his hair caught in an acacia tree. That is a hilarious and beautiful picture I will always have in my head. 

This picture was taken from a rock a few kilometers from camp.
The white tent in the distance is where we ate all our meals.

The BlueSky staff readily welcomed us into their community even though we were jumping in mid-summer and they had already spent so much time together. I was humbled, encouraged, and blessed by all the staff, countless times, throughout my three weeks with them…and I’m shocked that it was only three weeks because I feel as if I’ve known them for much longer and my heart is confused by the quick attachment and severing.

My first week of camp I was a counselor for the oldest age group. I had seven 15-18-year old girls in my cabin and I loved them before I even knew them. As I was sitting on the porch waiting for the girls to arrive, God poured His love into me so intensely, so intentionally, for these girls. And I spent all week just longing to be with them…similar to how God just longs to be with us, all the time. We went camping and hiking and white-water rafting and rock climbing and teetering across a high-ropes course. One of the girls in my cabin accepted Christ into her life! By the end of the week I was filled with such a fierce level of joy and was on a high that I didn’t ever want to end.

But, alas, the week did come to an end and for my second week of camp I was placed in a cabin of six 13-year old girls. I came down from my emotional high of the previous week at such a rapid pace that I could feel my head pounding and the blood rushing in my ears. My love that I had for my previous cabin had been all used up on those girls and I hadn’t bothered to ask God to refill me. I started the week, dry, depleted, dusty, ugly…similar to the current state of Rwanda. Members of the BlueSky staffed rallied with me and prayed off the attacks of the devil. I fought hard and God pulled me through to a place where I was able to be with the girls in my new cabin and hear them and love them. Even though it wasn’t anywhere near the level of fun and love and joy from the first week, I can still say that it was a good week because it was redemptive and Jesus was present.

And then came time for week three and I had a cabin full of 14-year old girls, ten to be exact. During my first two weeks I had a co-counselor so I was able to share the responsibilities of getting people to bed and dressed in the morning and to and fro various activities, etc. But for my last week I was alone, with ten girls, the largest cabin I had yet. It was a good week, it really was. The girls opened up and confessed things to me and we were able to pray together and work towards feeling free from what was binding them.

There are so many traditions within Camp BlueSky and activities that I was thrilled to be a part of. Looking at my three weeks as a whole, it was fun and loud and beautiful and confirming. I’m grateful for those of you who supported Adam, Miles, and me and our trip to Camp BlueSky. It was eye-opening and life-changing for all three of us. I love my brothers so much and I’m really glad I had one last opportunity to take a trip with them and experience this together.

Personally, I learned things about my own life and received another round of healing from my past. I became a much more consistent prayer. “Be joyful always, pray continuously, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (The verse that God gave me in Grade 11 when I asked Him what His will for my life was….and four years later, we’re still working on it.) I prayed steadily for three weeks for my girls, for my fellow counselors, for camp as a whole. And I saw prayers being answered, which only made me want to pray more! I also gained a lot of confidence for my future. I’m about to embark on a journey that has aspects of being daunting. So far my track record with university doesn’t look too hot but God used my time at camp to show me that I can confidently board my plane next Tuesday and dive in, head first, into this new adventure that He is calling me to. He will provide friendships for me and love and grace and joy and peace and everything that He has already so powerfully worked within me; He will continue to give it to me and I will be okay.

And now I have one week to wrap up my time in Rwanda. To seek closure. To end well. My heart aches but it’s also warm and beating with hope and love and peace.