Tough Love

On Monday our umudugudu neighborhood thought it would be a good idea to bring in some fresh dirt to smooth out the road. And when I say fresh dirt I mean beautiful dark, thick soil. On Monday afternoon it rained. And when I say rain I mean poured. And our already bad, neck-wrenching dirt road turned into a pig’s heaven.

On Monday night Adam and I got home after dark. As I cautiously navigated my way down the road I eventually reached a point where my scooter would not go any further. Adam and I then found ourselves ankle-deep in mud pushing my scooter up the hill to our house.

I was mad. I was mad that my feet and my shoes and my pants were dirty. I was mad that the umudugudu brought fresh dirt in when it’s the middle of the rainy season and it’s more likely going to rain than not. And, if you read one of my posts from a few months ago you know that the real problem lies in the drainage (or lack of) system.

The rain continued on Tuesday and I spent most of that day slip-sliding around on the dirt roads. By Tuesday night I was fed up.

But dirt roads are something that I’m thankful for – I see beauty in them.

Why am I mad and frustrated and fed up with the very thing that I love?

I’ve been wrestling with the concept of love for my whole life. Recently, in the last few months, I feel like I’ve gotten a pretty good understanding of it. But now I’m being challenged. I say I understand love, but do I really? It goes so far beyond blissful days. If you can love in spite of the ugly, then you’re really loving.

That’s what Jesus did/does. He loves in spite of our ugly.

Dirt roads are such a simple thing. In light of who Jesus is and what He has done. And here I am hung up on something that doesn’t even have feelings.

I think the bottom line is that up until a few days ago I viewed dirt roads as a gift from God. And now the roads have changed and they got me dirty. And now I’m ready to give up on dirt roads and fund the paving of roads – particularly our road.

Could I be any more selfish?

God gave me dirt roads and I’m giving them back to Him saying I don’t want them because they’re not so fun anymore.

Imagine: We all have close friends. People change, it’s a part of life. People hurt us and get us dirty, it’s a part of life. Do we give up on our friends and go out looking for newer, better ones?

I’m still not at a place where I can see the beauty in the dirt roads on this particular day or week. I’m still pretty frustrated with them. But I think that’s okay. Because now I know that it’s a heart issue. It’s a part of me growing and having a bigger understanding, and ultimately, a bigger, richer, fuller love.