On Monday our umudugudu
neighborhood thought it would be a good idea to bring in some fresh dirt to
smooth out the road. And when I say fresh dirt I mean beautiful dark, thick
soil. On Monday afternoon it rained. And when I say rain I mean poured. And our
already bad, neck-wrenching dirt road turned into a pig’s heaven.
On Monday night Adam and I got home after dark. As I cautiously
navigated my way down the road I eventually reached a point where my scooter
would not go any further. Adam and I then found ourselves ankle-deep in mud
pushing my scooter up the hill to our house.
I was mad. I was mad that my feet and my shoes and my pants
were dirty. I was mad that the umudugudu
brought fresh dirt in when it’s the middle of the rainy season and it’s more
likely going to rain than not. And, if you read one of my posts from a few
months ago you know that the real problem lies in the drainage (or lack of)
system.
The rain continued on Tuesday and I spent most of that day
slip-sliding around on the dirt roads. By Tuesday night I was fed up.
But dirt roads are something that I’m thankful for – I see
beauty in them.
Why am I mad and frustrated and fed up with the very thing
that I love?
I’ve been wrestling with the concept of love for my whole
life. Recently, in the last few months, I feel like I’ve gotten a pretty good
understanding of it. But now I’m being challenged. I say I understand love, but
do I really? It goes so far beyond blissful days. If you can love in spite of
the ugly, then you’re really loving.
That’s what Jesus did/does. He loves in spite of our ugly.
Dirt roads are such a simple thing. In light of who Jesus is
and what He has done. And here I am hung up on something that doesn’t even have
feelings.
I think the bottom line is that up until a few days ago I
viewed dirt roads as a gift from God. And now the roads have changed and they
got me dirty. And now I’m ready to give up on dirt roads and fund the paving of
roads – particularly our road.
Could I be any more selfish?
God gave me dirt roads and I’m giving them back to Him
saying I don’t want them because they’re not so fun anymore.
Imagine: We all have close friends. People change, it’s a
part of life. People hurt us and get us dirty, it’s a part of life. Do we give
up on our friends and go out looking for newer, better ones?
I’m still not at a place where I can see the beauty in the
dirt roads on this particular day or week. I’m still pretty frustrated with
them. But I think that’s okay. Because now I know that it’s a heart issue. It’s
a part of me growing and having a bigger understanding, and ultimately, a
bigger, richer, fuller love.
