Back to Florida

I’ve just spent the last week in North Carolina visiting my family before their return to Rwanda. It was supposed to be a tearful time of “lasts” because I thought I would be staying in Florida for college and a job, but God has another plan in mind for me and is providing a way for me to join my family once again! So, the trip wasn’t too tearful after all…

Now, the countdown is on: 6 weeks to Rwanda.

But I can’t get ahead of myself.

I feel like a freshly picked avocado. I’ve grown from seed to fruit. The Farmer has decided I am ready to be picked. But, I need to ripen a bit before indulging.

If you try to cut an avocado open before it’s ready, first of all, it’s a struggle, and second of all, it doesn’t taste very good. But if you wait until the prime time, the avocado will fall apart effortlessly and taste delicious.

So, I’ve now moved into the ripening stage.

I’ve been in this “Preparation Process” for the past few weeks. Preparing for Rwanda. Spiritually and emotionally and mentally. (I guess I’m okay in the physical category.) I only have six weeks left of this “Preparation Process” and it makes me a little sad. It’s been a fantastic time. I’ve been reading books like Walking with God by John Eldridge and When Helping Hurts by Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert and Love Does by Bob Goff. I’ve been reading Jesus Calling and My Utmost for His Highest. All of these insights and ideas of who God is and what He has in mind. God has been speaking to me through these books, but He has gone beyond that and has spoken directly to me. He and I have had such sweet fellowship, walking and talking and growing and learning.

It’s almost as if North Carolina was the climax of my “Preparation Process” and now I get to sit and ripen in His glorious presence. Just marveling and reflecting. And waiting. Waiting for Rwanda. Waiting for Him.

I’m okay with waiting.

God has blessed me beyond any words I could possibly express. Today I was struck by how many ways He has blessed me and I found myself wondering why. Why is He blessing me?

Because I love you.

Sharp intake of air.

For those of you following along with my life, you may know that I don’t understand love. The idea of love. The feeling of love. For some reason, it’s been a hard one for me to grasp.

So, the fact that God is blessing me simply because He loves me is mind boggling.

But, I’ve learned, if you repeat something over and over and over, eventually it sticks. It becomes a habit. A way of life.

So, I’ll continue to repeat, “God is blessing me because He loves me.”

Also, I believe God chooses to bless people who live for Him.

He is all I have. Truly. I’ve reached this point in my life where nothing really matters to me except Jesus. Sure I enjoy material items, because I’m human, and people do matter to me, but He has become my life.

“For you have died and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” –Colossians 3:3

I will look back on this time – my four months spent in Florida; the last six weeks before Rwanda, and remember it as one of the highlights of my life.

But, I don’t want you to read this and get the impression that God and I have been frolicking through a field of daisies. To really be in a relationship with Jesus, to die and have your life hidden in Christ, to walk in step with Him, takes a lot of work. It’s a daily fight against the Enemy. I have to continually renew my mind and constantly tell myself who my God is and who I am. But, preserving through the day with the Lord, into the arms of the Lord, always brings joy.

I’m abounding in thanksgiving. I thank Him for the easy breezy days and the grueling battle days.

And I can’t wait to taste the ripened avocado.