Acceptance

I received word from Appalachian State University today.  I’ve worked hard at my academics, and SAT, and my clarinet for years.  I applied to one school.  The only school I wanted to go to.  And they’ve accepted me.  I’m going to Appalachian State University in the fall!!  CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??  I’m thrilled and grateful to the Lord!

On a different note, some of you may be wondering how the situation with my clarinet is progressing.  Although it is still sad and hard, the Lord is working all things for His glory.

We were able to send my clarinet back with a group of people who were visiting from Atlanta. They shipped the instrument yesterday and it should be arriving in Boone, NC (the location of the instrument repair shop) on Monday, Lord willing. My upper joint needs to be replaced and so the repair shop in NC is waiting on that shipment to come in from France. Unfortunately, France is out of upper joints at the moment and is also waiting for a shipment.  Once my clarinet and the new joint gets to NC we’ll have a better estimate on how long it will take to repair it and get it back to me.

The Lord is blessing me abundantly even in the midst of this hard trial. Appalachian is being very understanding and we’ve temporarily postponed my audition.  The people at the repair shop are very easy to work with.  The man that took my clarinet back to the States is going above and beyond in making sure my clarinet arrives in Boone as soon as possible and is well taken care of.  One of my clarinet students is graciously sharing her clarinet with me. We alternate it every other day.  She plays an intermediate level Buffet (the same brand as my professional level clarinet).  It’s a huge blessing.  The fifth grade class at school raised 6,500 rwf to help with the repair costs. (Roughly $10) Their concern and kindness is humbling.  A family that I used to babysit in America also sent some money to help with the repair costs. Numerous people are praying for me and have offered to help in any way that they can.

However, just because I can see the blessings does not mean that I do not struggle with discouragement every single day. I miss my clarinet. I find myself frustrated and thinking negative thoughts pretty consistently.  Last year I went through many hardships and trials and I overcame them with the Lord’s help.  This time around I’m being confronted with a trial that feels like a mountain.  But James says, “Consider it pure joy, [Grace], when you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness…”  My trials last year were nothing like the trial that I’m currently facing. We will have trials of many kinds, but I must consider it to be pure joy.  God has helped me through my past trials and He will help me through this one too.  It is quite possible that I was too attached to my clarinet.  I adore my clarinet; it is one of my most favorite things on this earth.  I think that God is using this situation as a time to teach me that He is the only one that matters. My clarinet is an earthy possession that will not last. I must put the majority of my time and love into Him and not my clarinet.

This past week has not been an easy one.  My dad wisely noted that I had my eyes on the wrong thing. I was acknowledging that the Lord was blessing me but I was focused on the enemy.  Instead I need to acknowledge the enemy, realize that he is there, but “fix my eyes on Jesus” (Hebrews 12:2).  I am coming to a place of acceptance but I still need your prayers.  Pray that the replacement part arrives in NC and that my clarinet gets back to me as soon as possible.  Hopefully in time for the recital at the end of February, the orchestra concert, and my rescheduled audition.  Pray for “endurance and patience with joy” (Colossians 1:11) as I fight discouragement and search for the positive aspects of this situation. And please join in with me as I rejoice and praise the Lord for this wonderful news from ASU.

Broken

Walking and writing are two ways that help me process heavy news or deal with disheartening scenarios.  It helps clear my head of my thoughts and make room for God’s words.

Tonight I do not even have the energy to walk, so I will write.


This afternoon during ensemble rehearsal I accidentally knocked my clarinet over.

It broke in half.

Above the middle joint.

It cannot be fixed. It has to be replaced.

Devastating. Shocked. Speechless. Hurt.  So many emotions and feelings. Every time I say the words, my clarinet is broken, a new set of tears comes streaming down my face.

I have an audition to get into the School of Music at Appalachian State University on February 2nd.

I have a recital at the end of February.

I have an orchestra concert at the beginning of March.

I teach lessons on a weekly basis.

I love my clarinet.

It can’t be broken. It just can’t be.

But it is.

My brain shut down. I had no thoughts except for the reoccurring, My clarinet is broken. My clarinet is broken. My clarinet is broken.  Not in a frantic and screaming way, but more in a way that maybe if I said it enough I would wake up and find my clarinet in one piece. All I could do was cry. I laid flat on my back for almost an hour and did absolute nothing. I thought absolutely nothing. I just stared at the ceiling.

Just like my beloved instrument, my heart is broken. Aching and asking Why?

This might seem like it’s a bit dramatic for some people. I know that there are way worse things going on in the world. No one died. No one’s life was put on the line. It’s just a worldly item. I shouldn’t be so upset over something like this. But, music and the clarinet are my passions. It is a part of who I am. And it’s a part of who I will be. God has given me a talent with music and with the clarinet. He blessed me with this beautiful clarinet that now lays broken in my case.

Not even six months ago I received a very generous gift from a dear family friend: a brand new professional clarinet. Given with the intent of helping me as I pursue my dreams and passions.

What am I going to do?

I’m in Rwanda.  It’s not like I can just run over to the instrument technician.

Thankfully, God is in control. God was not the least bit surprised when my clarinet fell over today. He knew it was going to happen and He already has it worked out. I take comfort in that.

“…to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion – to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”  Isaiah 61:3

I don’t have the slightest idea why this happened today.  Nor can I see any good that could possible come from this traumatic situation.  But I know God. He redeems. He works all things for His glory.

Already we’ve contacted the music store in North Carolina where I purchased the instrument.  I will be sending my clarinet back to the states. They will repair it and then ship it back to me as soon as possible.

This is good news. But I don’t have an instrument to play in between now and then. I can’t continue to do what I do without a clarinet.

I appreciate your prayers as I struggle to find joy in all circumstances and look to Him for guidance.

Here We Go Again

Just a quick update before the routine begins again.

First semester ended on a good note.  My grandparents from Florida (my dad’s parents) arrived on December 12th.  On December 13th we had our Christmas concert with grades 5-12 participating.  It was a huge success, just like anything my father does.  Final exams went well for both Adam and I and then we enjoyed a few relaxing days with my grandparents as we showed them around Kigali.  I celebrated my eighteenth birthday and we had a wonderful Christmas.  My grandparents brought many American treats with them and so it was nice to have a somewhat familiar-feeling Christmas morning.  Five days later, on December 30th my other grandparents from North Carolina (my mom’s parents) arrived. Yes, two sets of grandparents at one time!  We enjoyed a second Christmas with these grandparents; they also brought us fabulous American treats from our friends and family in America. Then, on Monday (the 31st) we, all nine of us, drove down to Kibagora (the southern location of Lake Kivu) to take a break from the city.  We spent a few days by the lake, enjoying a true vacation.

Kibagora

My dad’s parent’s left yesterday and my mom’s parents are here until Sunday.  We’ve been showing my grandparents around and relishing our last few days before school begins again.  I’ve been able to read a book over this break (something I don’t usually have time for) and I even learned how to make a pie! Pie is very important on my mom’s side of the family. I made a total of three pies: two apple and one shoo-fly (a pie that’s been in my family for generations).  I like cooking and baking but cooking and baking over here is a whole different story. Making everything from scratch and using a gas oven that has Celsius temperatures are just two of the unfamiliar elements of cooking here in Kigali. Actually, today while I was making the shoo-fly pie with Meemaw, the power went off.  Thankfully, our oven is gas and not electric.

School begins tomorrow. Second semester will be very similar to the first one.  I’ll have the same class schedule, I’ll be teaching four clarinet lessons each week, and I’ll also be fulfilling my student council roles.  Along with that I’ll be preparing for my audition with Appalachian State University on February 2nd, as well as a recital with four other musician friends towards the end of February.  I have several extra music things to do this semester; of course I’m looking forward to them all.

I’m anxiously awaiting the arrival of January 25th – the day I receive my letter from Appalachian State University informing me of their decision.   I am ready to start second semester.  I’m ready to get back into the routine and I’m ready to finish high school and move on to new and exciting things.  And I’m looking forward to what God has in store for me this semester and for the upcoming years.