Home

This afternoon I pulled a scarf off the hanger and the air around me suddenly filled with the smell of Kigali. I buried my face in the scarf and breathed deeply. At that very moment I was missing Rwanda in such a fierce way. I miss Rwanda daily, but I don’t always long for it. But today, today I long for it. And I am holding the scarf close, cherishing the memories and the earthy, raw smell.

In spite of this, I know I’m not called to be there right now. I’m called to be here in Minnesota. And I’m still trying to come to terms with that, but even amidst the longings there is peace, because my home is not defined by a single, physical place. My home is in God’s presence and His presence is everywhere.

I’ve made it to Thanksgiving break. I’ve completed three months of college. Time feels like it’s passing so quickly, but at the same time it feels like I’ve been here for so long…how has it only been three months? 

God has blessed me with the opportunity to fly down to North Carolina for Thanksgiving and so here I am, bundled up in cold Minnesota, pulling my summer clothes out of Rubbermaid bins because it is going to be a whopping 60 degrees (Fahrenheit). Maybe I’ll even bring my chacos!

I’m fighting discouragement that most of my luggage weight is consisting of books and school work, so Thanksgiving break will not be much of a break. But I’m going to see my family (some of them, at least) and that thought puts a smile on my face.

The past three months have been wonderful and terrifying and heart-wrenching and beautiful and everything in between. I’m thankful for a chance to step away from campus for a week, but I’m realizing just now that I will miss my friends, and my classes, and my bed, and my life here.

God is so good. He is the source of everything I need and desire. I will be leaving my home in Minnesota to go to my home in North Carolina. And I’m about to get on an airplane and my excitement is bubbling over at that thought. And I’m thankful that I serve and love a God who goes with me wherever I go. 

Softening

Today is, as Mary Poppins would say, practically perfect in every way.

This weather is splendid. Words cannot adequately describe what it is doing to my soul.

God gives us exactly what we need when we need it. He knew I needed this brief break from the winter weather (and maybe it’s not just me that needed the pause). The weather is Rwanda-like, with a bright blue sky, warm sun, and a mild-shirt-sleeve temperature. Unlike Rwanda, the autumn colors are brilliant but quickly falling. The smell of ripe leaves is thick in the air. The lush green grass on which I am sitting (also unlike Rwanda, because I wouldn’t be allowed to sit in the grass) is hinting at turning to an ugly brown color. The Winter Solstice sun is already dipping behind the building, even though it is the middle of the afternoon.

I had to dig deep, shuffling through the corners of my heart and blow dust off forgotten shelves, but a few days ago I found myself searching for God’s gifts. God’s everyday graces. And responding in a heart of thankfulness. And so on that day of deep digging I counted…

Five geese waddling in a single line

Unexpected encounters with a friend

Rosy cheeks

And just like that, my heart began to soften. Like candle wax, the protective layer around my heart began to melt.

And God has been showing me His gifts daily. Although, knowing God, they were there all along, I was just walking with my head down.

And I am realizing how selfish I am. And how selfless He is. And that I was called, by Him, to do great and wonderful things for the Kingdom.

And I am walking with my head down.

But there He is. Always, ever present. There to lift my head in my time of trouble. And lead me on the path of truth. To soften my heart and remind me that He has given me so much to live for, to sing for, to jump and shout and proclaim and exclaim and it goes on… I know where I’m going. I know who I am in Christ. And that is enough.

I have set the Lord always before me;

Because He is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;

My flesh also dwells secure.

Psalm 16:8-9