I’ve just spent the last week in North Carolina visiting my
family before their return to Rwanda. It was supposed to be a tearful time of “lasts”
because I thought I would be staying in Florida for college and a job, but God has
another plan in mind for me and is providing a way for me to join my family
once again! So, the trip wasn’t too tearful after all…
Now, the countdown is on: 6 weeks to Rwanda.
But I can’t get ahead of myself.
I feel like a freshly picked avocado. I’ve grown from seed
to fruit. The Farmer has decided I am ready to be picked. But, I need to ripen
a bit before indulging.
If you try to cut an avocado open before it’s ready, first
of all, it’s a struggle, and second of all, it doesn’t taste very good. But if
you wait until the prime time, the avocado will fall apart effortlessly and
taste delicious.
So, I’ve now moved into the ripening stage.
I’ve been in this “Preparation Process” for the past few
weeks. Preparing for Rwanda. Spiritually and emotionally and mentally. (I guess
I’m okay in the physical category.) I only have six weeks left of this “Preparation
Process” and it makes me a little sad. It’s been a fantastic time. I’ve been reading
books like Walking with God by John
Eldridge and When Helping Hurts by
Steve Corbett and Brian Fikkert and Love
Does by Bob Goff. I’ve been
reading Jesus Calling and My Utmost for His Highest. All of these
insights and ideas of who God is and what He has in mind. God has been speaking
to me through these books, but He has gone beyond that and has spoken directly
to me. He and I have had such sweet fellowship, walking and talking and growing
and learning.
It’s almost as if North Carolina was the climax of my “Preparation
Process” and now I get to sit and ripen in His glorious presence. Just
marveling and reflecting. And waiting. Waiting for Rwanda. Waiting for Him.
I’m okay with waiting.
God has blessed me beyond any words I could possibly
express. Today I was struck by how many ways He has blessed me and I found
myself wondering why. Why is He blessing me?
Because I love you.
Sharp intake of air.
For those of you following along with my life, you may know
that I don’t understand love. The idea of love. The feeling of love. For some
reason, it’s been a hard one for me to grasp.
So, the fact that God is blessing me simply because He loves
me is mind boggling.
But, I’ve learned, if you repeat something over and over and
over, eventually it sticks. It becomes a habit. A way of life.
So, I’ll continue to repeat, “God is blessing me because He
loves me.”
Also, I believe God chooses to bless people who live for
Him.
He is all I have. Truly. I’ve reached this point in my life
where nothing really matters to me except Jesus. Sure I enjoy material items,
because I’m human, and people do matter to me, but He has become my life.
“For you have died and your life is now hidden with Christ
in God.” –Colossians 3:3
I will look back on this time – my four months spent in
Florida; the last six weeks before Rwanda, and remember it as one of the
highlights of my life.
But, I don’t want you to read this and get the impression that
God and I have been frolicking through a field of daisies. To really be in a
relationship with Jesus, to die and have your life hidden in Christ, to walk in
step with Him, takes a lot of work. It’s a daily fight against the Enemy. I
have to continually renew my mind and constantly tell myself who my God is and
who I am. But, preserving through the day with
the Lord, into the arms of the Lord,
always brings joy.
I’m abounding in thanksgiving. I thank Him for the easy
breezy days and the grueling battle days.
And I can’t wait to taste the ripened avocado.
