Getting More Than I Bargained For

Quite a bit has happened in the last two weeks resulting in this incredibly long post. I do not want to deter you or overwhelm you by the length so I’ve chopped the post up into 4 parts in hopes that you will be more inclined to read a section a day and actually end up reading the post in its entirety rather than delving in and discovering that you do not have enough time in your day to complete this post. Pace yourselves…and enjoy!

Part 1

Two weekends ago I had an amazing opportunity to serve in Gisenyi (a town bordering the Northern part of Lake Kivu). I am a Young Life leader at school and our Young Life team (there are eight of us total, but only six of us went on this trip) was asked to help at a weekend retreat in Gisenyi for a Young Life Club that is starting for local Rwandans. We left the Kigali bus station at 4:30 on Friday afternoon and arrived in Gisenyi around 8:00 that night. The bus ride wasn’t terrible, I’ve experienced worse ones, but by the time we arrived, I was feeling rather queasy and I was looking forward to the moment that my feet touched solid ground. Unfortunately that moment did not come as soon as expected. (This is a lesson that I’m continually learning about Africa: Don’t have expectations…in fact, plan on something going “not as planned.”) Just because we had “arrived” didn’t mean that we had actually “arrived”; we still had to take mottos (motorcycle taxis) to the school where we were to stay for the weekend. I think my motto driver thought it would be fun to play a little game of, “Let’s See How Many Potholes I Can Hit Before the Mzungu Tosses Her Cookies”. I kept my eyes tightly shut for the entire ten minute ride, praying that we would get to the school as quickly as possible, but we continued to slam into potholes and my stomach continued to remind me that it was not okay. We did finally arrive though and I managed to stay composed through the rest of the evening. Upon arriving at the school, we were greeted by chanting, banging on tables, and loud music. We jumped right in and began serving dinner to the two hundred or so campers. After they wolfed down their food, we collected their plates, cleaned up the dining hall, and then sat down to our dinner. The campers went off to Club which is basically like a youth group- there is a skit, a game, and a talk and it usually lasts for about an hour. After Club we were sent to one of six stations of an obstacle course. I was in charge of station number four, and the gist of the game was to army crawl under wooden desks. This obstacle course was unlike any I’ve ever experienced. The event took about two and a half hours to complete because they fed each team trough the obstacle course one at a time. I was exhausted by the time all this was said and done, and I believe my head finally hit the pillow around 1am. I was up at 6:30 the next morning (or really, it was the same morning) for a quick leader meeting and then we began serving breakfast to the campers. One thing I learned during this weekend: Rwandans have a lot of energy. Before this weekend I knew that you could eat a meal and I knew that you could dance, but I had no idea that you could do both at the same time. These people just don’t stop moving. They love to dance. I was exposed to all sorts of African dancing and rhythms. They shovel their food in as fast as they can so they can start dancing, and some people don’t have big enough mouths, so they just opt to dance while they eat. After breakfast there was another Club and then more outdoor games. This time my game was volleyball. Before you get a nice picture in your head of a traditional volleyball game, let me stop you. First of all, this volleyball game was played sitting down, second of all, this game was played with about 15 to 20 people on each side of the court, and the third of all, we played with a basketball. Yes, that’s right, a basketball, not a “volleyball”. Another thing I learned this weekend: Rwandans are competitive. They were so concerned that I kept track of the score, and they would yell and scream and argue their case until I gave them a point. After the games were finished we served lunch and then we had a couple hours of free time in the afternoon, so I and two other people on our team decided to go exploring and see if we could walk to the lake (Kivu). We did find the lake after about 30 minutes and it was so worth it. We also saw the boarder of Democratic Republic of Congo on our walk, and I was tempted to run across the border for a quick minute, but the other two wouldn’t let me. Dinner was ready to be served when we arrived back and then we had a third Club. We (our team) had been asked to perform a traditional “American” dance at Club that night so we taught everyone the Hokey-Pokey. I think they enjoyed it, but I think they were also a little confused by it. Sunday morning we woke up and served breakfast, packed our bags, and then boarded the bus back to Kigali. I loved serving all of those teenagers and I loved getting out of the city and seeing more of Rwanda. I was exposed to many cross-cultural opportunities and an opportunity to serve, not to mention five different languages (Kinyarwanda, Congolese, English, French, and Swahili)…we actually had a translator on top of a translator. Someone would speak in Kinyarwanda, and then someone else would translate it to French so that the French speaker (who spoke English) could let our team know what was happening. It was a fabulous weekend.

Part 2

I arrived back into town on Sunday afternoon feeling extremely worn out. I knew that I still had two weeks of school, two drama performances, two band performances, exams and a partridge in a pear tree until I could crash. I planned on making it…but I didn’t get very far. Remember what I am learning? Plan on things not going as planned. (I’ll get back to the “I didn’t get very far” in part 4) My drama performances were great! I played the part of Mother in “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.” We gave one performance at 2:00 and one at 6:00 this past Saturday. I was so happy to be a part of the play…it was a blast.

We had our band Christmas concert last Thursday, which also was a huge success. My dad is a very talented man, and he has the ability to pull off a great concert even in Africa. Monday (of this week) was our second band performance which consisted of all the bands playing Christmas songs at Nakumatt. (Nakumatt is most easily described as Wal-mart.) There are two Nakumatts in Kigali and we played at both of them…again it was a huge success a great opportunity and a great way to get the name “KICS” (Kigali International Community School) out there.

Part 3

I’m positive that I will not stop learning lessons until I breathe my last. Life is full of lessons and each one needs to be learned.

“When you go to Jesus for help, you get from him far more than you had in mind….[and] when you go to Jesus for help, you also end up giving to him far more than you expected to give.” Timothy Keller (King’s Cross)

When I began praying for God’s will in my life, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. In actuality I was praying for His “plan” for my life. My job, my future spouse, what my life will look like after high school, etc. I just wanted God to sit me down and tell me what He wanted from me. I really wasn’t thinking that I needed to go through this whole long process where I have a bunch of trials and learn a bunch of things. But, God knows what’s best for me. “He is giving me way more than I had in mind.” I had some things (and I still do have some things) in my life that need to be removed -negative personality traits, to be specific. I need to learn, I need to grow, I need to change. The only problem is, learning, growing, and changing is not easy and it’s not always fun. The other day I was thinking about how I’ve been praying for God’s will and it dawned me on that His will for my life may change over time. I was expecting to receive His will for the rest of my life. Something like, “Grace, you are going to be a doctor in South Africa.” Or “Grace, you are going to be a teacher in New York City.” But I’m learning that sitting down and having a little chat where God clearly lays out the plan is not part of God’s plan. Just because His current will for me is to be joyful always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances doesn't mean that is what I will be doing for the rest of my life. When it comes time for me to fill out a job application, I can’t say “Well, I’m super happy, I’m full of gratitude and I pray all the time.” No one would hire me. That statement right there is where I went wrong, “When it comes time to fill out a job application.” See, I was actually praying for His “guidance” for my future. I was praying that He would “help” all of my plans and dreams come true…“help and guide”, not “direct and control” my life. Two problems with that prayer: it was very selfish and close-minded and it still allowed me to be in control of my life. Ever since discovering that I had been “praying the wrong prayer”,  I have been even more dedicated to following God’s will for my life. Right now, it’s be joyful, pray, and give thanks. Honestly, that’s a tall order, and I have a lot of work to do if I’m going to fulfill His will. I’m okay with not knowing what my occupation will be, who I will marry, or what my life will look like after high school. I’ve spent too long planning my future and wishing my life away. Right now, I’m in Rwanda, Africa, living in God’s will, and there is absolutely nothing else that matters and there is absolutely no other place I’d rather be.

More things I’m learning…

Those who know me know that I’m a believer in confrontation. If I have a problem with someone or something I let my opinion be heard. While parts of this are a really good thing, there are other aspects to this that are terribly wrong. I’ve gotten myself into quite a bit of trouble this year because I’ve been standing up for what I believe in and confronting people. I was talking to my math teacher on Friday and he said something very profound: “Sometimes a situation calls for confrontation, but there are other cases when you need to let things go. You need to learn how to lose your battles.” I cannot even begin to describe the weight of those words. Plenty of people could care less about what I think, and I don’t need to go around stating my opinion. I also don’t need to fight everything that I’m against. I need to learn how to lose my battles.

Before I boarded the plane and moved to Africa, people in the States used to say to me, “This is going to be such a great experience. I can’t wait to see how God is going to use you. Or I can’t wait to see how He is going to work in your life” At the time, I did not fully understand those words, and I’m not even sure if the people that spoke those words knew what they were really saying to me. But, boy, let me tell you, this experience is phenomenal. I’m learning so many things…so many. God is using me, and He is without a doubt working in me. Four months ago, when I said goodbye to my friends, my home, and my life and relocated in Africa I had no idea what I was getting myself into. When I said so-long to myself and began letting God control my life I had no idea what I was getting into. But I’m grateful for every step of this journey, and I wouldn’t do anything over, even if I had the chance.

Part 4:

In the past few months I’ve learned a thing or two about patience, reliance, and perseverance and pain. Now, I’m learning these things in a whole new light. God is saying to me, “Remember Grace, be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances.” I’ve learned a little bit about dealing with internal pain. The pain that comes from being left out, being talked about behind your back, and being made fun of. I’ve learned how to rely solely on the Lord and how to have patience and perseverance through hard times. Now it’s time for me to learn about patience, reliance, perseverance and pain…externally.

About three weeks ago I pulled a muscle in my right thigh during P.E. and I had to take it easy for about two weeks. I rested it, iced it, took ibuprofen, etc. After about two weeks, it wasn’t great, but it was better, and I was tired of not being active so I participated it P.E. Everything was fine during class, but I ended up being a little sore, which was to be expected. Before the start of my next P.E. class I was stretching my leg, and I’m pretty sure that it was telling me to lay off of it for a day, but I didn’t listen. (That was mistake number 1) We have been doing a football (soccer) unit for the past month. I know how to play the game, but I don’t really know any techniques, I just go after the ball and hope for the best. We started the game and things were going well, I was running towards the guy who had the ball and ended up blocking him…with my right thigh. (That was mistake number 2) I felt instant pain and actually fell to the ground, but I jumped right back up and didn’t let it stop me. I continued to play, thinking that the pain would subside if I continued to run (That was mistake number 3) A couple minutes later, I was after the same guy as before and our legs got caught up in each other and in his effort to get himself and the ball away from me he stepped on my ankle…my RIGHT ankle. Now, this wasn’t just a 3-year-old-girl-in-a-fuzzy-slipper step on my ankle, no, this was a 17-year-old-guy-in-a-legit-metal-cleat step on my ankle. (Going after a guy that was wearing real cleats was mistake number 4) My ankle twisted towards the left a little bit too far and the shooting pain traveled all the way up my leg. You would think that by now I would call it quits, but I clearly don’t learn from my mistakes very quickly. I continued to play because I didn’t want to appear “whimpish” or “weak”. (That was mistake number 5) Throughout the rest of the game I fell two or three more times, I got the ball slammed into my stomach and by the end of the game, I was whooped. I was planning on walking it off and not saying anything, but my plan completely failed. With each step, my limp became more and more noticeable, no matter how much I tried to hide it. By the end of the day I was in a significant amount of pain and I could hardly walk. [Side Note: this was the same day (Thursday) as our band concert. I went through the rest of the school day on Thursday and the entire band concert dealing with this uncomfortable pain.] Skipping over a couple minor details… I was at school all day Friday walking around on my ankle with a brace on it treating it as a sprain. Saturday was my “big day”, I had two performances to give and I was not going to let anything hold me back. I was pretty hard on my ankle and leg in general and by the end of the day the pain had increased. Sunday I did the first smart thing that I had done in the past few days: I rested. I elevated and iced and studied for exams. Monday I was back to school and walking all over campus, up and down stairs. Monday night was the “straw that broke the camel’s back.” In between performances at Nakumatt, I felt so sick to my stomach, I lost all the coloring in my face, and came too close to passing out. The pain continued to increase at a rapid pace. After 30 minutes my color came back to my face and I ended up playing at the second Nakumatt even though that was the last thing that I wanted to do. I did not go to school on Tuesday, I stayed at home and rested and attempted to recover enough to take my exams the following three days. My ankle was still not getting better, in fact it was getting worse. And on top of that the pain in my stomach was practically matching the pain in my ankle. I had been consuming so much ibuprofen over the past 6 days… in actuality; I had been taking ibuprofen for almost three weeks because of my previous thigh injury. The lining in my stomach was feeling pretty torn up and eating was the last thing I wanted to do. Since then I’ve switched pain killers and I’ve noticed a big improvement. Anyway, on Tuesday night I went and had my ankle x-rayed and I also got a pair of crutches. Then on Wednesday I had an appointment with an orthopedic/physio-therapist. She explained that I tore two ligaments in my right ankle and the fact that I continued to play the football game on Thursday, I walked on it all day at school on Friday and Monday, and I had two drama performance on Saturday set my healing process back by at least a week. Usually ligaments take one month to six weeks to heal, so we’ll see how I fair. She also called another doctor and he recommended putting me in a back-slab cast for a week to set my ankle, because I cannot hold it up properly on my own, plus I was still putting a little weight on it. This cast is forcing me to walk slowly and rest a lot, which, in turn, will hopefully “make-up for lost time” in the healing department.

Now, this is just plain old frustrating. I don’t like sitting still for hours on end. I would much rather be outside playing…football.  The cast makes it so that I can’t walk and the weight of it makes my thigh hurt. I could easily list all the bad and negative things about my situation, but that won’t get me anywhere. There are plenty of things that I can be grateful about and obviously, this is a part of God’s plan. I know without a doubt that He’s not sitting up in heaven dumbfounded, trying to come up with a quick back-up plan. He is teaching me about patience. It takes me about five minutes to get up a normal staircase. It would be easier if I had to legs and I could go get my own water, but I have to sit on my bed and wait patiently for someone to bring it to me. He is teaching me about perseverance. Along with taking a long time to get up a flight of stairs, it also takes quite a bit of endurance to maneuver those crutches and drag myself up each step. He is teaching me about pain. The physical pain that I am going through now and the internal pain that I’ve been going through with relationships at school are nothing compared to the pain that Jesus went through on the cross. He is teaching me about reliance. I need to not only rely on people to help me get around, but I also need to rely on God. He will stand by me and help me all the way to the end. And last, but not least, He is teaching me how to be joyful, to pray continually, and to give thanks in ALL circumstances.

Like I said, a lot has happened in the past few weeks. Living in God’s will is an exciting place to be, it keeps me on my toes, and it insures that something is always happening. I’d like to close with this quote by Elizabeth Elliot, “God is God, and since he is God, he is worthy of my worship and my service.  I will find rest nowhere else but in his will, and that will is necessarily infinitely, immeasurably, unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what he is up to”

Just like Elisabeth Elliot said, I have no idea what God is up to, but I’m holding on tightly, and not letting go, and I can’t wait to see the finished product on the other side.