Ironically, it turns out that Grace needs grace. Of course, I've known that all along, but in these last few weeks that statement becomes truer and truer.
Let's start with this: What is grace? Grace is God's gift(s) to us. It comes in many different forms. It can be a second chance, it can be a break, it can be beauty in nature. Grace can also come in the form of heartache because God can and will redeem everything for His glory.
I've been searching for grace. Searching for joy. Searching for the key to living the best possible life.
In November 2011 God told me that His will for me was to "be joyful always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). In the past few weeks God has been stirring that will inside of me and redefining it. I've discovered that in order to always be joyful, I have to start with giving thanks. Searching every single day for little things (and big things) that I am thankful for, brings me joy and then by experiencing that joy I turn around and give thanks to God. I'm still working on the praying continually part, but it's coming.
I have been out of Africa for exactly 51 days. 51 long days. If I'm going to be honest with all of you who are sitting in front of your computer reading this post, I would have to say that my transition out of Africa and in to America has been far from easy. These 51 days have left me feeling drained. And left me searching.
Searching for grace (Grace). Searching for joy. Searching for the key to living the best possible life.
I usually try to get all my ducks in a row before I write a blog post, so that things flow smoothly and people leave the webpage feeling happy and refreshed. Actually, in general, I try to keep all my ducks in a row because I've found that life works best that way. But right now my ducks are scattered all around the pond. Normally, I would apologize for the scattering but I'm learning that sometimes "it's okay to not be okay." And, in order to keep my ducks in a row most of the time I have to stop being so concerned about everyone else's ducks and pay attention to my own.
But with that being said, I must pose another question: Is there a such thing as over-serving? Can someone serve others so much that they neglect their own self? Is it a bad thing? Paul tells us to "not think of ourselves more highly than we ought" (Romans 12:3) and to "honor one another above ourselves" (Romans 12:10) and to be "like the scum of the world" (1 Corinthians 4:13) and be "all things to all people" (1 Corinthians 9:22). So then, how can we consider ourselves when we have been called to live like Jesus, a life of servant-hood?
All these things are rattling around in my brain and begging to be answered. And because I don't have the answers, my conclusion is lacking. But maybe it's okay to not have a solid conclusion because I haven't reached one yet...
-to be continued-
