I've just opened the window in my bedroom, set the iPod to Penguin Café Orchestra (shuffle), and sat down to write…a perfect way to finish my Christmas Break. Writing is the best way for me to communicate, with both myself and with others. I've been struggling to find the right words to say over the past couple weeks. I claim to be an honest person, and so if I’m going to be honest, I have to tell you that things have not been easy for me.
This Christmas break has been the furthest thing from enjoyable. For starters, my right leg is still in a cast. About two weeks ago we took the back-slab cast off because it was beginning to fall apart. I was still experiencing a considerable amount of pain and so we went to the doctor and she told me that I needed to go into a full cast…even though it’s not broken; it’s just a really bad sprain. The man that put the cast on told me that it needed to be on for a full month. I have about two weeks to go and then I can start physical therapy. This has been quiet a process. Being immobile is one factor in why I’ve been having such a hard time lately.
My seventeenth birthday and Christmas passed just like any other day. I wanted to get those two days done with as quickly as possible. Celebrating my birthday and enjoying the holidays away from my dear family and friends was much, much harder than I anticipated. Those were two very sad days for me. There is one particular message that has been ringing loud and clear ever since my birthday: I miss my family and friends and I want to go home.
First semester was hard for me on multiple levels. The last month (December) was exceptionally hard, things really escalated. I was stressed with trying to keep my grades up and finish the year out strong, I have been struggling socially all semester, and then I sprained my ankle…many things piling on top of each other until the volcano erupted. During this three-week Christmas break I have been doing a lot of sitting due to my immobility. I have lost motivation to do things…motivation to write, motivation to get out of bed, even motivation to eat. Am I depressed? I’m not sure. I have no idea what’s wrong with me. I was convinced that I did not want to go back to school second semester. One night last week I had a thought that reminded me that I do not give up. It takes a lot for me to actually give up on something, and I had basically given up in this area of my life. I had tried to be a leader, and make a change, but I was shot down. Moments after I had this thought I made switch: Yes, I’m definitely down, but I’m not out. The school year is similar to a boxing match. Round one was the equivalent to first semester. I made some good punches and at times I was winning, but ultimately I came out bloody and broken. I was down, pretty low. Round two is going to start tomorrow (Tuesday) whether I’m ready or not, so I may as well be ready. I’m armed with the Spirit and I have the Lord on my side and I’m ready to take whatever Satan dishes out.
My relationship with God is continuing to progress. I’m still being challenged with “Be joyful always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances.” I received a devotional book for Christmas from my grandparents and it has been a really big encouragement. I’ve been reading a lot about staying firm in my faith, making the most of every opportunity, and trusting in the Lord. One of the teachers at KICS (Kigali International Community School) has become my spiritual mentor. Together we are memorizing the book of Colossians. I’m still open to whatever the Lord has in store for me…for the rest of this year, for the rest of my life. His will is my way.
Last week my family and I went to Kibogora for Christmas vacation. Kibogora is a southern location on Lake Kivu about six hours outside of Kigali. We stayed at a guest-house for one week. Each day we drove fifteen minutes down a terribly bumpy dirt road to get to the lake. There were always lots of children scattered along the road yelling “Mzungu!” (white person) or “Agacupa!” (water bottle). Several adventurous boys would climb on the back of our car and get a ride down the road. During the day we did a lot of swimming. (Well, my family did a lot of swimming; I did a lot of watching.) There were several other families from KICS and Kigali at Kibogora so it was nice to fellowship with friends and meet new people. At the beginning of our stay, Adam had a 24-hour stomach bug. He was the only one to seemingly get it in our family, but a few other kids had something similar to it throughout the week. At the end of the week, (the day we were traveling home) I got the stomach bug. I woke up on Thursday morning feeling terrible and I said to God, “No. You wouldn’t. I’m already dealing with enough, aren’t I?” He sure does have a sense of humor. Driving through the winding hills is bad enough even if you are in perfect health…it was a long ride back to Kigali.
Well, I guess that’s about it. I still love Rwanda very much. I love the people and the experience I’m getting. Yes, I’d be thrilled to come home, but if I were to run to the love and comfort of family and friends I wouldn't be learning anything now, would I? School starts tomorrow. Things will pick up pace again. I’ll have school every day from 8:00 to 3:00 and then after school activities and homework. I’m going to enjoy returning to a steady flow of things to do, but it’s not going to be easy. I could sure use your prayers. I want to be able to pull out of this and come out on top. I have the Lord on my side, and so I know with confidence that I can conquer anything.
